Helen's Hellenic Stopover

EPISODE 6 - HELLENIC STOPOVER

FLLOYD:                               Thunder's Mouth Theatre presents... This is Helen's Hellenic Stopover,  Hera, Queen of the Greek Gods, has dropped by south London to takes her mortal friend Helen to Greece for an instant summer break, where they can share some thoughts about different forms of power, and living in old bodies. Two old women from very different backgrounds with more than a little in common, climbing a rather special hill with a temple at the top of it. And one good turn deserves another. Enjoy... 

HERA :                                 And here we go...

WINGS

And here we are

LANDING FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS

HELEN :                                Oh!  Thank you. My goodness. What an extraordinary experience that is. I'll never get used to it, to be honest. And where exactly are we?

HERA:                                    We are not far from Athens. It's called Sounion. Very popular with the tourists. We like it for the view of the Aegean Sea. Tell me, Helen, what do you see?

HELEN:                                  Oh, well, I see a very blue sea under an even bluer sky. Or is it the other way round?  Two different blues? It's gorgeous. And there's these islands just dotted around there. [LAUGHS] You know, I have a friend who who came on holiday to Greece many years ago, and she said-- it was probably somewhere near here that she was-- She said it looked as if the gods had been playing Ducks and Drakes and and the stones just landed-- huge giant stones  forming islands.

HERA:                                    Well, she's not too far from the truth. We did play such games back, back when we were newly born. (And that's one way of putting it...) Newly created. We weren't exactly born. Never mind.

HELEN:                                  Yeah. Oh, thank you so much. This is such a treat. And. And, you know, when I said, I'll never get used to it. It's not just the flying part. It's. It's arriving somewhere completely different in such a short space of time. And there will be no jet-lag.

HERA:                                    No, well... and if you like, we can make it that when you return, there will be no time that has passed. Just... you will have the memory.

HELEN:                                  Oh, well, that's good. I wouldn't like to forget this. But I'm happy to sit with the time passing, as it does. I think I would find that less confusing, even if it does involve jet lag.

HERA:                                    Very well.

HELEN:                                  Now, which direction is Mount Olympus from here?

HERA:                                    Over there.

HELEN:                                  Oh, right. And Zeus can't hear us--

ZEUS:                                    I heard that.

HELEN:                                  Oh, Sorry.

HERA:                                    Yes. It's very hard to avoid saying the name. Very annoying. I'm trying to think of a plan for some way to get my own back on him for this nonsense. Ridiculous. 

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING AND OVERTAKING

HERA:                                    Let us sit here for a while. And then, if you feel like it, we can climb up to the temple.

HELEN:                                  Whose temple is it?

RITA:                                      Goddamn!!! Noooo!

HELEN:                                  I'm sorry?  Are you alright?

RITA:                                      Wha-? Oh!  Don't mind me. I just dropped my guide book, and the wind caught it, and now it's probably half way down to the beach already.

HELEN:                                  You had a guide book?  An actual book?  That's impressive these days.

RITA:                                      I know. I thought I was being so darned clever. NOT relying on the phone. But now I'll just have to.  I don't suppose you ladies know whose temple that is up there?  I can't remember the name. So stupid of me.

HELEN:                                  Not at all. Happens to me all the time.  I was just asking my friend here the same question. She's from--

HERA:                                    [STRONG SCOTS ACCENT] Scotland!  Aye, Ah'm frae Scotland. But I do know about these temples. What would you like to know?

RITA:                                      Well, like, which god, or goddess is it for?  Maybe who built it? How long ago? That would keep me going. I don't want to bother you. I can look it up.

HERA:                                    Oh, it's nae bother at all. It was built by Pericles, in the 440s BC. To replace the original one that the Persian troops tore down, that was probably built about 400 years before that. So they say...

HELEN:                                  Gosh, you are a fountain of knowledge. (WHISPERS and you do accents!!!)

HERA:                                    [GIGGLES]

RITA:                                      Thank you so much.  That's plenty for me to get on with. I'm trying to have just enough information to feed to my husband, to keep him interested. It's our first trip to Europe.

HELEN:                                  I wonder, could I ask a favour?

RITA:                                      Sure

HELEN:                                  Could I possibly borrow your phone? I'll pay, of course. But if I could just phone my daughter, in England. We left in a bit of a hurry, and I left my phone behind, and she's bound to be wondering where on earth I am.

RITA:                                      Of course dear. Here.... You don't have to pay me.  I'm on a plan!

HELEN:                                  Oh, that's very kind. I won't be long.

RITA:                                      There you are.  I've unlocked it.

HELEN:                                  Thanks.  [BUTTON SOUNDS. THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATIONS RUN CONCURRENTLY.]

RITA.   :                                 And do you look up everything before you leave?  You seem to know a lot about the place.

HERA.  :                                I think I am a bit of an expert on ancient Greek history. I have studied it quite well.

RITA. :                                    Well, that's just marvellous.

HELEN:                                  Janey?  Is that you Janey?  You sound like Susie

RITA. :                                    I've always wanted to come to Greece.  I remember reading the stories when I was a little girl, all about Zeus

ZEUS. :                                  I heard that

RITA :                                     What?

HELEN                     :          Oh, I had to leave in a hurry. And to be honest, I just did't even think of it at the time. Are you alright?  You sound a bit flustered.

HERA.  :                                Oh yes, they are fabulous stories, are they not?  I used to like the ones about Hera, and Demeter

HELEN                     :          Oh. Is your mother in a tizz?  Susie?  Do you want to put her on?

RITA. :                                    Oh yes, Hera, wasn't she the Queen of the Gods, the wife of Zeus.

ZEUS.:                                   I heard that.

HELEN                     :          You'll never believe it.! I'm in Greece!!

RITA.   :                                 Who said that?  Did you hear that? 

HERA.   :                               No. It must have been the wind.  It's quite strong up here, did you notice that?

RITA. :                                    Well, yes. It is?  Butt sounded just like a man speaking.

HERA.  :                                Oh, that is what they say.  I have heard about that before.  "If you stand below the temple of Poseidon, you can almost hear him calling up from the sea".

HELEN:                                  OK, gotta go.  I'll call you tomorrow. Love to everyone. Byeeee!       

RITA.   :                                 Is that so? 

HELEN:                                  Here you are. Thank you so much!

RITA:                                      You're very welcome.  Well, I'd better catch up with Herman.  Thanks for your help!

HERA:                                    Not at all.  Is everything alright, Helen?

HELEN:                                  Of yes. Just the usual panic when I'm out of their sight.  I am grateful, you know. Lots of old people are completely ignored by their families. I'm very, very lucky with mine. But oh dear. The panic!

HERA:                                    Yes. Annoying!  Are you tired?

HELEN:                                  A bit.  But I'm ok to keep going.

HERA:                                    Then let's climb a little further. [WALKING, SLIGHTLY HEAVY BREATHING] You know, since I have settled into this form of an old woman, I like it.  I'm more comfortable with this than I was with being a young woman.

HELEN:                                  Me, too! Isn't it odd? I was never comfortable with myself,  within myself when I was a younger woman.

HERA :                                   No... I think it's partly because when we are young women, we... we have imbibed all this Stuff. Of the men  who have convinced us that we are lesser beings  somehow.

HELEN:                                  Oh, tell me about it. Yeah.  Although I've kind of fought against it all my life, and I don't really know where that came from.

HERA:                                    Possibly your mother?

HELEN:                                  Possibly. The fact that my father just--he just left without a word. And my mother turned from being a meek and mild housewife into a highly competent, assertive human being. To us as youngsters, really quite overbearing, almost aggressive woman, very much in control of herself and... and of us.

HERA :                                   And you certainly picked up on the means of independence. You would have learnt that from her.

HELEN:                                  Oh, indeed, indeed,

 HERA:                                   But you married. You had Janey. Such a nice woman. You must be very proud of her.

HELEN:                                  Oh, I am. But I don't  take any credit for it. She's nothing like me. Although in her own way, she has... she has... Power. A kind that I don't have.

HERA:                                    But we are all different are we not? Yes?  It's the same in my family.  I have the cranky power, the grouchy old woman of the tribe power, as it were..  Demeter is soft, and generous, Artemis, of course, is the strongest of us all. [SIGH OF ARRIVAL]  And here is the temple of Poseidon. What do you think?

HELEN:                                  Amazing. Woh. Just breathtaking.

HERA:                                    I think so.

HELEN:                                  Appropriate?

HERA:                                    How do you mean?

HELEN:                                  For Poseidon?  A huge stand of empty columns looking out over the ocean?

HERA:                                    Well, it did have a roof at some stage, but actually, I do think it looks better this way. As if a huge wave of the sea, a tsunami perhaps, had swept it away, and left the columns so that he can move freely around them. No?  Shall we sit for a bit?

HELEN:                                  Lovely. ..  [PAUSE[

HERA:                                    And we can have a think about where we would like to go next. 

HELEN:                                  Next? Aren't we going to be here, in Greece,  for a little while? We only just got here.

HERA:                                    I know. But I think I will have to deal with the problem of You Know Who first, I simply cannot stand these interruptions, and you cannot avoid his name being spoken around here.  I should have thought of that. So let's go somewhere else while I think of a way to get him to stop.

HELEN:                                  Oh.  Ok by me.  Hmmmm.  How about,,,

HERA:                                    Unless you would like to go home?

HELEN:                                  No way!  Well, not yet.  How about... the Amazon forest? Would that be possible?

HERA:                                    Of course!  Now... let me just get my bearings. Uh-huh! Here we go. Hold on. Trust

WINGS. MUSIC.

OUTRO

FLLOYD:                               That was Helen's Hellenic Stopover, episode 6 of season 10... with Wendy Lap as Hera, Ira Seidenstein as Zeus, and Flloyd Kennedy as Helen and the American tourist. The music was "In the Labyrinth" (it's our main theme)  and "Dance of the Minotaur", composed and performed by John T La Barbera.  You can show your appreciation for John's lovely music, and for the work of the actors by making a donation at either buymeacoffee.com/amIoldyet or patreon.com/amIoldyet. As little as £1 or $1 or you could join the team of regular subscribers if you're listening regularly. It would also be--oh, so good--if you could drop a comment, or a review either in whatever podcasting app you are listening on, or at the website amIoldyet.com/reviews.  That's what enables me to gain the kind of credibility that helps to grow the audience.  Thanks for listening, stay safe.  .... And be sure to wait for the Epilogue!

EPILOGUE

HERA:                                    and welcome, Helen, welcome to my home.  Let's see if he's in.  Zeussie-pie!

ZEUS:                                    I heard that!

HERA:                                    My darling!! Are you home? ...  Come on through Helen. He's probably in the library, pretending to be an intellectual.

HELEN:                                  What an enormous staircase!

HERA:                                    Oh, don't worry. There is a lift too.   I'm home my darling!  Come and see who is with me!

ZEUS:                                    [OFF]. Who is it?  What do you want!  I'm busy.

HERA:                                    Don't be silly, my darling.  It is I, your beloved. Where on earth are you?

ZEUS:                                    Hera?  Hera???  Is it really you? 

HERA:                                    Of course it is really me.  Did you think it would be a pretend me?  An artificial me?  Come on Helen, he sounds as if he's in the kitchen.  Let's hope there is some food in there that is still edible.

ZEUS:                                    Hera?  My darling girl, come on through, I'm in the kitchen.  Are you hungry?

HELEN:                                  I know I am.

ZEUS:                                    Who is that with you?  Ah!! Helen!!! How good to see you.  Come on in, take a seat.  Hera my love, mmmwah! Mmmwah! (KISS ON EITHER CHEEK). I am so pleased you are here, Hera.  Hah!  Here - Hera!  Hera is here. [SINGS LIKE A SILLY SONG]. She is here, she is really here, she is Hera and Hera is Here!!

END OF SCENE

FLLOYD:                               Okay, lovely. Thank you so very, very, very, very, very much.

WENDY:                                You're very, very welcome.

FLLOYD :                              And now you're going back to painting. You've got a studio space for your painting.

WENDY:                                I do. I don't have an exact date of entry yet, but it's very exciting...

MUSIC

IRA:                                        So thanks for your tolerance for letting me try something.