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Episode 8 brings Season 8 to a conclusion with the Epilogue. Zeus reads the riot act to his disobedient children Artemis and Hermes, and his granddaughter Persephone. Helen gets good news on the political front from Serena (Jonas Scillily's secretary) and Rene's acting career is launched. Featuring Ira Seidenstein as Zeus, Christopher McDougall as Hermes, Rene, and as Rene playing David Balfour, Frankii Phoenix as Serena and John Warner returning as Helen's son-in-law, Jonathan. The theme music for the fictional TV adaptation of "Kidnapped" is "The Bonny Braes of Elcho", written and performed by Julian Goodacre, from his CD "Some of Me Tunes, Some of Me Pipes". The episode theme music is "In the Labyrinth", and the music in the family room is "Mandrugada (Dawn)" both from John T LaBarbera's album "In the Labyrinth".
Pixabay:
Footsteps on Gravel: https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=music&utm_content=6133
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Car braking -110065^
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Freesound:
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276602__alfrodou__dishes-crashing-2-platos-rotos-2
EPISODE 8 – The Epilogue [THUNDER. MUSIC - IN THE LABYRINGH
NARRATOR Thunder's Mouth Theatre presents: Am I Old Yet? a coming of age comedy with a difference—and wouldn't you know it, here we are at Episode 8. The Finale! Well, basically The Epilogue because we started with a Prologue so we're gonna finish with an Epilogue. OK, I'm not going to waste too much time about it. We've got Zeus trying to get his family sorted, and we've got Helen with young Rene launching his acting career. Oh, so much excitement going on in this episode. See you on the other side. Enjoy.
JANEY: [VOICE MAIL] Hi Mum. Did you remember, it's the first episode of Rene's programme tonight.? Would you like to come over here and watch it on the big telly? You can stay over, if you like. Both of you. Let me know, and I'll pick you up in time for tea.
PHONE TONE. BREATH OF THE GODS SFX:
THE GODS ARE ARGUING OVER WHO DID WHAT AND TO WHOM.
ZEUS: ALRIGHT already! Calm down, you lot. Quiet! I SAID QUIET!!!!! [silence, with a bit of giggling]. Who's that giggling? [SILENCE]. Oh never mind. I really do not care! I'm over it. You've been arguing the toss for days now, and I still have no idea what's going on. Where's the respect? I ask you... No respect. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Whatever you've been up to.
ARTEMIS: But it wasn't my fault. I had no idea that Hermes would do such a thing.
HERMES: What do you mean? Not your fault. You encouraged me, you said it would all be for the best in the end.
ARTEMIS: In the end! But there IS no end. Nothing has changed.
ZEUS: Of course nothing has changed. Everything changes while nothing changes. That is how it works. You are all idiots. I'm ashamed of you.
ARTEMIS: But we just wanted to help.
ZEUS: Well don't. Don't be helpful!!! Have you learnt nothing? In all these Aeons of living with humans? Watching them learn nothing?
HERMES: Oh I wouldn't say that!
ZEUS: I don't care!
SEFFI: Well, then. Can we go now?
ZEUS: What? No! Not until you tell me where your husband is. Why isn't he here? No respect. No respect.
SEFFI: [SIGH] He's gone down to the underworld. He said he needs peace and a quiet pint of his home made lager.
ZEUS: Hah! Me too. I might just pop down and see him, share a few pints, when you have all GONE AWAY.
ARTEMIS: So can we go now?
ZEUS: Who's stopping you? Of course you can't go now! You need to assure me that you have learnt the lesson good and proper. Then you can go.
HERMES: What lesson are you talking about? Not to help the humans? To just let them destroy their habitat, and die out?
ZEUS: Of course! Not to help them. But not so that they will die out, IDIOT SON OF MINE. Good grief! So that they will help themselves. You cannot do it for them. Being helpful only encourages them to be lazy, to find the so-called easy way out. Short term thinking. They won't acquire the skill of long-term thinking if you keep making it easy for them. Challenges, they need to rise to the challenges.
HERMES: But...
ZEUS: But me no buts. Do you think any wisdom was ever gained from being waited on hand and foot? Did we learn anything actually useful as long as we had those super powers?
ARTEMIS: Possibly!
ZEUS: Possibly schmossibly! Of course we didn't. Not until we had to do things for ourselves, and know for ourselves how it all worked, did we understand what our role was, in this universe. If I could figure that out, and I am not the sharpest nail in the toolbox, as they say--
HERMES: Who says that?
ZEUS: I SAY IT! Oh, you are such a joker, Hermes. But not very funny, eh? What use is an unfunny joker? About as much as a dull nail. I.E. (and that stands for In Other Words - don't ask me how or why, I don't know, but it does) so, as I was saying, in other words, there is a use for an unfunny joker, and a dull nail, but you only find out what that use is, if you USE THEM!!! So go away and put your pathetic skills to some kind of use. Just don't make things EASY or COMFORTABLE for the humans. Now piss off.
ARTEMIS: Thank you, father.
SEFFI: Bye Grandpa
HERMES: So long, Papa. [IN THE LABYRINTH MUSIC -SCREECHES TO A HALT
ZEUS: Hmph. Not you, Hermes, I need a word with you [VERY OMINOUS]
HERMES Uh-oh. [BREATH OF THE GODS FADING OUT]
CAFE AMBIENCE
SERENA: Thanks for agreeing to meet me, Mrs Docherty. Ms Mary Hatfield, I understand she's a friend of yours.
HELEN: That's kind of her to say so. She's the Minister for Climate Change, no?
SERENA: er - yes. She asked me to bring you up to speed with regard to the Climate Change Working Party.
HELEN: You mean there is progress?
SERENA: Progress of a sort. You heard about the the scandal around Jonas Scillily?
HELEN: Ah yes. The very Dishonourable Minister of State for the Environment and Food Production. Resigning in disgrace for misleading Parliament, failing to declare huge donations from the Oil companies.
SERENA: Yes, and that only the half of it. What the media didn't manage to get hold of was all of his attempts to undermine the working party all along. Offering bribes to the other members.
HELEN: Good grief. So what now?
SERENA: Well, you're the first to know, Ms Hatfield wanted me to tell you that she's been asked to take over his portfolio.
HELEN: Oh wonderful. Please congratulate her for me. That is so good to hear!
SERENA: It's such a relief.
HELEN: Of course it is. She will be a breath of fresh air.
SERENA: It won't be easy. There are still so many challenges. But at least she has managed to get assurances from the oil companies that they are actually trying to turn themselves around, work with us, instead of fighting us.
HELEN: Bit like the tobacco companies?
SERENA: Oh lord, I hope not. They still haven't got the message.
HELEN: No. You're right. And to be honest, Serena. I'll believe it when I see it. It's always two steps forwards and three steps back with these multi-national companies, isn't it.
SERENA: Seems to be.
HELEN: And you? What is your role in all of this?
SERENA: Well, I was Silly Jonas's personal secretary. Now I'm working for Ms Hatfield.
HELEN: Enjoying it?
SERENA: I cannot begin to tell you how much! She's taking me into all the meetings with her, I am learning so much!
HELEN: She is one of the good guys, eh?
SERENA: Like you!
HELEN: Me?
SERENA: Oh yes. She's told me quite a lot about you, what you did to get the Working Party set up. And I gather you had quite a lot to do with Silly Jonas's downfall.
HELEN: I may have played a small part. He did most of it all on his own. Really didn't need much help from me.
SERENA: I can well believe that!
[CAR ON THE DRIVE. CAR DOOR OPENS]
JANEY: You go in, Mum. Rene can help me with the shopping can't you?
RENE: Sure thing.
JANEY: Head for the family room, Mum. I think you'll find there's a package in there for you.
HELEN: For me? How exciting... [FOOTSTE[S UP THE DRIVE, HUMMING. DOOR OPENS]. Hi Jonathan! We're here.
JONATHAN: Hi Helen. I'm in the kitchen. Is Janey with you?
HELEN,: Yes. We stopped off at Tescos, lots of goodies for you.
JONATHAN: Excellent. Well, you just head into the family room, there's something there for you.
HELEN: Cool! Whatever can it be? [SLIDING DOOR. MUSIC "MANDRUGADA (DAWN"]
SUSIE: Hi Gran.
HELEN: Wha--? Susie? Susie! Darling! Oh my!!! How wonderful, come on here. Oohhhhh. Mwah [BIG KISSES]
SUSIE: Lovely to see you too, Gran.
HELEN: But what on earth? What are you doing here? I had no idea you were coming home so soon!
SUSIE: Neither did I. It was a last minute thing, Joey suggested I come back and set up some meetings for her.
HELEN: She's coming to work? I thought it was a holiday, just her and Steve?
SUSIE: Well, you know her well, Gran. She can't stop entirely. So, here I am.
HELEN: And I am not complaining.
JANEY: [HEADING FOR THE KITCHEN] Here we are. Thank you Rene, leave those bags by the fridge. Jon can sort them out. You head on into the family room, and see what MumHelen is up to. Dinner will be about half an hour.
RENE: Oh. Ok. Thanks.
JONATHAN Unless you'd like a snack to keep you going?
RENE: Oh, yes please!
TV MUSIC: THE BONNY BRAES OF ELCHO. WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY JULIAN GOODACRE]
CONTINUITY: And now, welcome to this new series of Classic Literature on the Small Screen, the brand new, highly anticipated adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's historical adventure, it's time to find yourself Kidnapped!
MUSIC THE BONNY BRAES OF ELCHO. WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY JULIAN GOODACRE]
DAVID BALFOUR: [VOICE OVER NARRATION, performed BY RENÉ]. I will begin the story of my adventures with a certain morning early in the month of June, the year of grace 1751, when I took the key for the last time out of the door of my father's house.
NARRATION CONTINUES IN THE BACKGROUND
SUSIE: That's you, René! That's your voice!
RENÈ: Yep.
HELEN: Shush Susie. Let's just watch, eh?
SUSIE: Sorry...
JANEY: Has it started yet?
HELEN/SUSIE/RENE Shhhhhh
JONATHAN: Drinks anyone? Wine? Coffee?
EVERYONE: SHUSH!
JONATHAN: What? Oh, sorry. [LOUD WHISPER] Can I get anyone something to drink?
EVERYONE: [LAUGHTER AND CHATTER ]
RENE Sure, can I have a wee dram?
HELEN No you cannot! But I wouldn't mind one myself, thanks Jon. [KIDNAPPED MUSIC - BREATH OF THE GODS]
BACK ON MT OLYMPUS
HERMES: So what have I done now? I thought it was all sorted. We leave the humans alone to sort themselves out. Right? Did I get that right?
ZEUS: Yes, my boy. And no. [BIG SIGH]. It's not going to be that simple, and I suspect you know it. So I want you to know, I am keeping a very, very, VERY close eye on you. Know what I mean?
HERMES: You are tapping your nose. Why are you tapping your nose Papa? Do you want to sneeze?
ZEUS: Oh my. Go away. Just. Go.
HERMES: OK. Take care Papa. Love you!
ZEUS: Stupid boy! HERA! My love? Can you help me?
HERA. What is it? What you want now?
ZEUS. I need - no, WE need to find this Helen woman.
HERA: Are you kidding me? (Dishes crashing)
NARRATOR. And that's it for season 8. I do hope you've enjoyed it as much as we've enjoyed making it. The cast in today's episode was Ira Seidenstein as Zeus, Christopher McDougall as Hermes, and as Rene, and obviously Rene as David Balfour. Jonarthan was played by John Warner, Serena was played by Frankii Phoenix. And I think pretty much everyone else was played by me. Yea. So there we have it for another season. Well, now, I'm going to get my thinking cap on and see if I can come up with another one. It would certainly help me if you would let me know if you'd like me to make another one. That would be — that would give me a real boost. And also, of course, as I keep reminding you, if you have any spare pennies or dollars, you can donate to my Pateron fundraising fund. At Patreon.com/AmIOldYet. And the music that you heard underscoring the introduction to the TV (fictitious TV) programme "Kidnapped" was "The Bonny Braes of Elcho", written and performed by Julian Goodacre from his CD "Some of the Tunes, Some of Me Pipes". The theme music, as usual, was John T LaBarbera's "In the Labyrinth". And we also had another track of John's, "Mandrugada (Dawn), also from the same album "In the Labyrinth". You ca find John's music on Bandcamp.
Well, that's it from me. I'm out of here. Stay safe, and thanks for listening.
END
Actor
John is a Brisbane (Australia) based actor, director, producer. His company, Trocadero Productions is known for its site specific Shakespeare productions, and for his satirical reviews and musicals. Among his roles are Henry in Henry V, Edmund in King Lear, Trigorin in The Seagull, The Bastard in The Life and Death of King John, Aaron in Titus Andronicus, and John in A Life in the Theatre (the latter directed by Flloyd)
He is presently working on his fourth play, 0 is for Orson, and preparing a new outdoor production of Cyrano de Bergerac.
Christopher McDougall
Christopher graduated from East 15 Acting School in 2018 and has been working in
various sectors of the industry since. He has much previous experience as an actor, as
well as a singer, writer and musical director.
Recent acting credits include Widow Twankey in Aladdin (Beverley Artistes); The
Narrator in Bonny and Read (Novanda Productions, Brighton Fringe/UK Tour); Aladdin
in Aladdin, Dugdale Centre, Enfield; Davie McD/Sam/Tobias Grenfell in Tell Me A Story,
produced by Kibo Productions for Zoom; Squire Bogey (and others) in Jack and the
Beanstalk, with M&M Theatrical Productions; God in It’s Aboot Adam, at last year’s
Edinburgh Fringe; Various characters in The Sherlock Holmes Experience, at Madame
Tussaud’s, London; and Fairy G/Sugar Plum in Bad Cinderella, at the Cockpit Theatre, in
December 2018.
In April 2021, alongside fellow producer Mark Hunter, he co-wrote, co-directed and
was Musical Director on Robin Hood: A Virtual Pantomime, which took place on Zoom,
and was very well received – they currently looking to revive it this year.
Christopher has also written a new musical – Star Streaker: The Musical – which he
hopes to revive in the not so distant future.
Find out more about what Christopher is doing at www.christophermcdougall.co.uk
Actor
Ira Seidenstein has worked in over 140 live productions. After working in Cirque du Soleil's Corteo he created such projects as: The Madness of King Lear (Avignon, Edinburgh); The Book of Clown (Adelaide 2017), Commedia Toto (Italy); Cubist Clown Cavalcade (Paris): A Flower of the Lips (Sydney); and directed 18 actors in the uncut Antony & Cleopatra (Sydney). He has worked in 20 Shakespeare productions including 10 of the plays such as directing Henry the Fifth with 12 women; and, 10 adaptations including his comedy A Girl's Guide to Hamlet. In 2012/13 Ira was in Slava's Snowshow in Europe and Australia. As a veteran performer he trained 6 years in Suzuki Actor Training Method and worked in ten Suzuki style productions. He has portrayed over 75 clown characters including: Corteo's White Clown, and, Dead Clown; and playing "Harlequin" over an 8 years span. He trained as an Iyengar yoga teacher, was a tumbling and comic acrobat, mime, slapstick comedian, classical actor, director, playwright, and choreographed over 200 comic sketches and slapstick acts. His Masters Degree is in Visual and Performing Arts and his Doctorate is in Education. Recently he performed for the first time in a full scale ballet as a centraI character actor. Ira Seidenstein's workshops are practical and creative use of body-mind-spirit. The practical base is physical using "The Four Articulations for Performance" (see Method). He is the Founder of ISAAC - International School for Acting And Creativity and personally mentors clowns, teachers, choreogra…
Author, Actor
Flloyd Kennedy (aka Fairy Bessie), Australian-born actress, performance poet, singer-songwriter, director and voice/speech/accent coach, took part in the British folk revival in the late 60s, performed street theatre, cabaret and fringe theatre in Scotland throughout the 1980s and 90s, returned to Australia where she undertook research into the performing voice (specifically Shakespeare) for her doctorate. She has performed, directed, and taught voice and acting skills at colleges and universities in the UK, US and Australia. Now resident in Liverpool, UK, Flloyd tours her one-person versa plays with music around the world, performs her songs and poems at open mics in and around Liverpool. She also coaches student and professional actors, private individuals and community and corporate groups through her private studio Being in Voice. She is artistic director of Thunder’s Mouth Theatre (theatre of poetry, passion and philosophy), a Certified Teacher of Knight-Thompson Speechwork and is an Associate Artist with ISAAC (International School for Acting And Clown), She has now published two collections of poetry, songs and essays, Sunsets & Kites and Home is Where I Hang My Hat. Her songs are available on Bandcamp, as well as all major online streaming services.
Composer/Guitarist
John T. La Barbera, film score composer, producer, guitar and stringed instrument virtuoso and concert artist, has won several awards and commissions from The Jerome Foundation, Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, The Martin Gruss Foundation, the New York State Council on the Arts, Meet the Composer, UMass-Dartmouth, and ASCAP.
His film scores include: Children of Fate (Academy Award Nomination 1992); The Old Guitarist starring Dominic Chianese; The Bounty Hunter; Sacco and Vanzetti ; Sister Italy; Pane Amaro; What's up Scarlet; Neapolitan Heart ; Finding The Mother Lode: Italian Immigrants in California; La Festa and Tarantella .
His silent film scores include Assunta Spina, (1915, Naples), ‘A Santa Notte (1922, Naples), Chaplin’s The Immigrant (1917) and The Adventurer (1917), The Black Hand (1906), The Musketeers of Pig Alley (1912) and The Adventures of Lieutenant Petrosino, (1912), Regeneration (1915)
In Theater, his expertise as composer, arranger and musical director was valuable in the off-Broadway productions of Souls of Naples, (Theater for a New Audience) starring John Turturro and the stage adaptation of Sicilian playwright Luigi Pirandello's short stories in Kaos, (New York Theater Workshop) directed by Marta Clarke. Folk Opera, Stabat Mater-Donna di Paradiso, was commissioned and performed at The Cathedral of St. John the Divine.
He has appeared on recording and performance projects with many great artists including folk singer Judy Collins, actor Dominic Chianese (Uncle Junior- Sopranos), Hollywood film sou… Read More
Actress (Serena)
Alumna of LIPA, Hope Street LTD Emerging Artists programme (Liverpool) and the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland - Frankii is a multidisciplinary performance artist with a background in cabaret, singing and street performance.
Best known for creating comedic, larger-than-life alter egos, her work mainly focuses on playing with the absurdity of being alive in the first place, let alone being a woman - isn’t it all just an existential farce anyway?
Eager to explore the craft of performance and the avenues that open up to her, ‘Am I Old Yet?’ is Frankii’s debut as a voice actor.
Begin at the very beginning, with Episode 1 "Kind Like Sharon". Or pick it up at Season 6, which is the beginning of Helen's life as a Super Hero!
