Destiny Calls

Flloyd

Thunder's Mouth theatre presents "Am I Old Yet?" a coming of age comedy with a difference, in which our superheroine Helen, approaching her 80s, has a young lodger, René. Now, René's acting career is really beginning to take off, while Helen's adventure as a superheroine, with the help of a couple of Greek goddesses, Artemis and Persephone, is about to literally take off. [FOOTSTEPS]

René

Mrs D? Are you there Mrs D? Are you listening to the radio?

Helen

Sorry, René. What was that?

René

It's on the radio, Mrs D. That program that I was interviewed on is just about to start.

Helen

Oh, right. I'll turn it on. Come on down, we listen to it together.

René

Sounds good. [MUSIC BACH PRELUDE BWV 938]

Tom Maximan

Hello, I'm Tom Maximan and this is "Your Starter for Ten", our brand new arts and culture program in which we look at young people at the beginning of their careers in the creative arts industry. Ten questions and hopefully ten answers. Now, today my guest is René Fraser, a young Scotsman who at the age of 17, has found himself cast as the lead in a brand new television series. Now, René, welcome to "Your Starter for Ten".

René

Thank you very much.

Tom Maximan

And here's your first question. Have you read "Kidnapped"?

René

Oh, yes. No, I read it from the school library when I was about ten. And then my Uncle Gary, he gave me his copy, so I've still got it.

Tom Maximan

So my second question is—it's probably a bit redundant, I assume you must have enjoyed it.

René

I thought it was fun and exciting. It was like a real adventure. I remember when I was playing at being Jacobites with my mates after school. It was great.

Tom Maximan

So you identified with the rebels?

René

Oh, yeah. I wanted to be Alan Breck Stewart when I grew up.

Tom Maximan

Really?

René

Yeah, absolutely. It wasn't really until I read it again when I was asked to audition for the programme that I realized how complex this guy actually is.

Tom Maximan

So did that make you change your mind or did you still want to be him?

René

Well, not actually be him. I mean, I may be a bit young to play him yet, but I'd love to play him, you know, when I'm older.

Tom Maximan

Now I understand your co-star, who is playing Alan Breck Stewart in this television series is Sufyan McKinneny, the Scottish Syrian actor who's been making such a big name for himself in his recent performance. At the Dundee Rep theatre, for example. He's been quite a revelation, would you say?

René

Absolutely, he is. He's just great. [HELEN'S PHONE RINGS]

Helen

Sorry, I'll take it upstairs. Don't worry, I'll listen to it on sounds after. Hello? Artemis?

Artemis

Yes, it's me, Helen. So sorry to interrupt you, but we have something urgent and it just couldn't wait.

Helen

Oh no, Artemis, no more superpower stuff, please. No,

Artemis

I can't say just now. We need to meet. Please, Helen, please meet with us and we will explain and then you can decide. Please.

Helen

All right. Where? When?

Artemis

This afternoon around three, would that be all right?

Helen

Yeah, I guess so.

Artemis

In the park? We'll see you there. Thank you. Thank you so much. And please bring René with you if he's free.

Flloyd

Sure, no worries. Later.

Tom Maximan

What are your plans for the future? What roles would you really like to play?

René

I have some dream roles that I'd love to play. The first one my dad and then my Uncle Gary got me into. You know, if they ever did a reboot or a remake of Taggart, then I'd love to be involved in that. Doctor Who? Pretty big at the minute. We've had a few Scottish doctors, you know—Sylvester McCoy, Peter Capaldi, David Tennant. Now. Ncuti Gatwa. So maybe I can be another Scottish doctor or someone like that down the line. And, you know, I'd really like to play I'd really like to play? Robert Burns or Rabbie Burns, if they ever did some kind

Helen

Oh cool that would be great!

René

Of his life and his works. Yeah. So I would say, yeah, Rabbie Burns would be good fun to play. [MUSIC: SONG OF THE GODDESS DIANA. PARK AMBIENCE]

Helen

Artemis, no. Just no. It has to stop. You have to make it go away. I'm not doing anything useful. I can't do anything. I just want my life back.

Seffi 

But you have your life. It's true, Helen. We never took that away. It's still there. You are living it.

Helen

No. No. Seffi, I'm sorry, but it's not the same. I'm terrified to breathe out. I can't use this blowing things around sort of thing again. Do you know what I'm good at? If someone stops me in the street and asks for directions. I'm good at looking up Google Maps and pointing them, setting them on their way. Because you would be amazed at the number of people who stop me in the street who don't know how to use Google Maps. So that is what I'm good at. Not good at cleaning up the planet?

Artemis

No.

René

How do you mean, no? She is so too

Artemis

No. There is no way you can clean up the planet and reverse climate change by blowing literally up into the sky. That was Hermes' idea.

Helen

Hermes?

Artemis

Yes, Hermes.

Helen

Hermes thought it was a good idea?

René

Wait! Wait, what? You mean it was all just a trick? And he did it all for a joke?

Artemis

I'm afraid you are right, René. At first, we thought it might have been Hades, but when it started to go wrong, Hermes offered to help. Remember, he organized the dogs to collect the litter safely,

Seffi 

But I was suspicious. And then eventually he admitted it had been his idea.

Helen

So I never was the Chosen One? All of that was just a piece of nonsense?

Seffi 

No, no, Helen. That was never a piece of nonsense. You are the Chosen One.

René

I don't get it.

Helen

You're not alone, René. I'm the chosen one, but I don't actually have any superpowers to make it worth anyone's while.

Seffi 

That is not true. You do have powers.

Helen

Oh, really? What? I don't know. What is it this time? Can I lift heavy lorries with one finger?

Artemis

No. Helen, it's your words. You know how to speak to people. You have wisdom. You know how to fix things, and you tell the truth. That is your superpower.

Helen

Really? I always thought it was a bit of a disadvantage not having a filter.

Seffi 

You have filter. Don't worry about that. But when you speak from your heart, you persuade people. You know how to do that without knowing that you're doing it. And that's the perfect, superior power. So we say, will you help us to help you?

Artemis

Helen, we need you to come with us.

Helen

Oh, what, now?

Artemis

Yes, now. It's very important. We have a job for you.

Helen

Oh, again,

Artemis

What we are talking about won't take long, but it is urgent, so we have to get going.

Helen

Where?

Seffi 

It's quite a long way, but it won't take long to get there.

Helen

How do you work that out?

Seffi 

Because we're going to give you a ride.

René

What do you have an Uber account? Oh, brilliant. Can I get free rides?

Seffi 

No, no, René not like that. I mean, she's coming with us. The way we gods travel.

Helen

And what does that mean?

Artemis

Well, Seffi and I will carry you. You will fly like the wind.

Helen

What?

Seffi 

Oh, yes. You will enjoy it. You like to travel, see foreign countries?

Helen

No. And yes.

Artemis

And don't worry, it's not a long, long haul flight, or even a short haul flight. You'll be there in minutes, seconds maybe. Probably won't even notice you've gone. And then you'll be there.

René

Am I coming too?

Seffi 

Sorry, René. We have another task for you. This is very important. Once we're gone, you must contact Helen's daughter, Janey, and tell her that Helen is with us. She's absolutely fine, and she will contact her as soon as she gets back. Will you do that for us, please?

René

Okay, but she'll want to know more than that, you know?

Artemis

Of course. Tell her her mother is going to attend a very important meeting with regard to the climate change working party. And we will be her bodyguards all the way.

René

Okay, that's great. Sure, I'll call her.

Helen

That's all very well, but what do I do when I get there?

Artemis

You have to speak to some people. Well, I say people, I mean beings.

Helen

Oh, you mean more ancient deities?

Artemis

Oh, yes. You'll see when you get there. Come on, Seffi. There we go. We make a basket for you in our arms. Just put your arms around our shoulders and hold on. Here we go... [SOUND OF LARGE WINGS FLYING] [THEME MUSIC]

Flloyd

That was "Destiny Calls", episode six of season eight. Now, in this episode, you heard Christopher McDougall as René and Matthew Field as Tom Maximum, with me playing Helen and Artemis and Persephone having probably way too much fun doing so.

Now, I'm sure you've noticed I don't have any adverts in this mini program of short episodes. But still, we do need to pay our bills over here in Actorland. So it would be awfully kind if you can spare a dollar or a pound or two to donate either@buymeacoffee.com/AmIOldYet or maybe even become a subscribing patron on Patreon.com/AmIOldYet. And that way I would be able to share the generous proceeds with the actors who are all, like me, doing it for no financial recompense. And it would be awfully nice to be able to top up our meager incomes.

Shout out to Joanna and Scott, who've already joined us over on Patreon.com. Thank you so much. Thanks for listening. Stay safe.