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Hera has brought Helen to her home on Mt Olympus, after their short visit to the Amazon rain forest. Zeus is so happy to see her that he just can't help singing about it. And so it came about, that this episode has turned into a musical. You're welcome...
Hera - Wendy Lap
Helen - Flloyd Kennedy
Zeus - Ira Seidenstein
Music - "In the Labyrinth", Song of the Goddess Diana" and "Song of the Minatour", composed and performed by John T La Barbera
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EPISODE 8 - BREAKFAST WITH THE GODS
FLLOYD: Thunder's Mouth Theatre presents - "Am I Old Yet?" Episode 8 of Season 10. Returning to normal transmission! This episode picks up where we left Hera and Helen, arriving at the castle on Mt Olympus after a quick trip to the Amazon forest. Zeus has taken to hanging out in the kitchen. Here's hoping he can dodge Hera's wrath at the most annoying trick he has been playing on her while she was away. Enjoy.
WINGS.
HERA.: Welcome to my home. Let's see if he's in.
HEAVY DOOR OPENING
HERA: Zeussie-pie!
ZEUS: [RECORDING] I heard that.
HERA: My darling!! Are you home? ... Come on through Helen. He's probably in the library, pretending to be an intellectual.
HELEN: What an enormous staircase!
HERA: Oh, don't worry. There is a lift too. I'm home my darling! Come and see who is with me!
ZEUS: [OFF]. Who is it? What do you want! I'm busy.
HERA: Don't be silly, my darling. It is I, your beloved. Where on earth are you?
ZEUS: Hera? Hera??? Is it really you?
HERA: Of course it is really me. Did you think it would be a pretend me? An artificial me? Come on Helen, he sounds as if he's in the kitchen. Let's hope there is some food in there that is still edible.
ZEUS: Hera? My darling girl, come on through, I'm in the kitchen. Are you hungry?
HELEN: I know I am.
ZEUS: Who is that with you? Ah!! Helen!!! How good to see you. Come on in, take a seat. Hera my love, mmmwah! Mmmwah! (KISS ON EITHER CHEEK). I am so pleased you are here, Hera. Hah! Here - Hera! Hera is here. [SINGS LIKE A SILLY SONG]. She is here, she is really here, she is Hera and Hera is Here!!
HERA: [A BIT UNCERTAIN ABOUT THIS] Yes my darling, Hera is here. What is going on? What are you up to?
ZEUS: Nothing. Well, something, but nothing bad. Everything is good. Especially good, now that you are here. Hera! She is here!
HERA: Are you feeling alright? Do you have a fever? Zeus!
ZEUS: [THE RECORDING] I heard that. [REAL ZEUS] Oh, sorry. Just a minute, I'll just turn that off. Sorry about that Helen. I hope you enjoyed my little joke, eh? My little jokey joke!! Good one, eh?
HELEN: Mmmmmm.
ZEUS: There you are, I've turned it off. I don't need it any more, now that Hera is Here!!! This is perfect timing.
HERA: What? You made that - that - that - you put me through all of that -
HELEN: Isn't that lovely! He's so happy to see you, Hera! Why is it perfect timing, Zeus?
ZEUS: I HEARD THAT! Thank you for asking, Helen. Don't you want to know, Hera?
HERA: [SHE'S FURIOUS] Oh yes. I am so anxious to to know. I am - I cannot wait to find out. Please explain, my 'darling'.
ZEUS: Of course. I will explain - everything! I'm so happy that you came back. So very very happy...
END
ZEUS: It's because dinner is ready. It is ready to be served. I made dinner, all by myself, and I made it for you. Please Hera, please come and sit.
HELEN: But how did you know we would be here, in time for dinner?
ZEUS: Oh, I didn't. I have been cooking this meal every day, to be ready when she came home. I wanted to welcome her back with something special.
HERA: So you made that stupid recording to annoy me so much that I would come home to eat your stupid food?? Are you really so stupid???
ZEUS: [QUITE HURT]. Oh no! No my darling girl. That was just a little joke. A joke between you and me. I thought you would enjoy it. Being reminded that I am thinking of you. You didn't like it?
HERA: ARE YOU **** KIDDING ME? [SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY SAY THIS, BUT SHE WANTS TO.. ]. No, my darling. I did not like it. Do. Not. Do.. It. Again.
ZEUS: I'm so sorry. I thought you would be amused. Helen? You were amused, yes?
HELEN: No.
ZEUS: Oh. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear
HELEN: Well, at first, it was quite funny, but then after a while... you know... over and over again. And again.
ZEUS: Ah. I see what you mean.
HERA: So.... What is this dinner you have prepared. You never cooked anything in your whole life.
ZEUS: Not true. I have been cooking all the time that you were away.
HERA: Cooking what? Beans on toast?
HELEN: Oh, that's a bit mean.
ZEUS:: Nut roast. And Mousakka. In case you don't like Nut Roast.
HELEN: Wow.
ZEUS: Sit, my love. Helen, sit here please. There is plenty for everybody.
HERA: I shall believe it when I see it. And taste it.
ZEUS: Here is the nut roast. I ground the nuts myself.
HELEN: Wow. It's huge!
ZEUS: And here is the Moussaka.
HELEN: It looks lovely.
HERA: Hmmmph.
HELEN: And it smells wonderful.
ZEUS: And here are the plates.
HERA: I do not believe it.
ZEUS: You may help yourselves. I can't wait for you to try it! Shall I open a bottle of Retsina?
SCENE 2 - EARLY MORNING ON MT OLYMPUS:
COCKEREL CROWING
MUSIC
ZEUS: (SINGING. CALLING FROM THE KITCHEN). Helen! Helen!
HELEN: (NOT SINGING) Wha-? What is it? Is that you Zeus?
ZEUS: (SINGING) Helen!
Are you awake?
My dear friend Helen!
I do hope you are awake now...
It's Breakfast time.
The sun is shining,
My beloved is home.
My Hera is here,
and I have prepared a breakfast feast
for us all.
Are you ready?
I do hope you are ready.
Come on down!
As soon as you are -
ready!!!
HELEN: (NOT SINGING). Oh. Alright. I'll be there... soon. Five minutes? Is that alright?
ZEUS: (SINGING) Oh yes!
That is perfect.
Five minutes is perfect.
I shall put the eggs on now,
and in five minutes,
they will be -- perfect!!!
HELEN: O...k.... Goodness. He is in a good mood.
SCENE 3
IN THE KITCHEN- NEW MUSIC (Dance of the Goddess Diana)
HERA: (SINGING) Good morning Helen
I hope you are hungry
Just a little bit?
We have prepared
a breakfast feast
Just for you.
Greek style.
I hope you enjoy it
HELEN: Ri--ght... Ok. Well, I'm ready. (SHE STARTS TO SING). I'm so ready.
For the breakfast feast...
ZEUS: Good morning Helen.
The eggs are on.
The koulourakia are warm.
HELEN: Koulou-what?
HERA: They are Greek pastries
De-licious.
We prepared them last night
Together.
HELEN: I can't wait to try them.
ZEUS: Please help yourself
To some fruit
HERA: And there is yoghurt
Zeus made it himself.
Isn't he clever?
ZEUS: Thank you my darling.
HERA: I never knew
He was so clever
HELEN: No.
Who would have thought it?
ZEUS: To be quite honest
I did not know it
Myself.
All those years
I was so spoilt
And my desires
Were satisfied
Without my asking
All of my life
I have received
whatever I wanted
And yet I never had
The greatest pleasure
Of them all
HELEN: And what was that?
ZEUS: The greatest pleasure
One can have
My dear friend Helen
Is to give,
Not to receive
HERA: I knew that.
ZEUS: You did, my love.
And Helen,
dear friend Helen,
You gave me that
HELEN: I did?
HERA: Yes Helen.
You taught us that.
We learnt from you.
Thank you so much.
ZEUS: Here are the eggs.
Enjoy.
END OF EPISODE
FLLOYD: Ah me. Well, I hope that didn't come as too much of a shock. Zeus and Hera actually seeming to like each other for a change. So much so that they couldn't resist bursting into song. Stick around to hear Ira's views on that. It was partly his idea. I just suggested Zeus make "Hera is Here!" Into a little ditty, and Ira turned it into a whole operatic recitative. So I wrote the next episode as a musical. I look forward to the waves of critiques that are about to engulf us all.
You heard Wendy Lap, as Hera, Ira Seidenstein as Zeus and me, Flloyd Kennedy, as Helen. The music was "In the Labyrinth", "Bela Morena" and "Song of the Goddess Diana" composed and performed by John T La Barbera.
Please feel free to drop a tip into our jar over at buymeacoffee.com/amIoldyet, or to join our loyal Patreons at patreon.com/amIoldyet. Thanks for listening. Stay safe.
FLLOYD: Whacko-the-diddly-o!
WENDY: The music ended just at the right spot.
FLLOYD: That's why. Because I timed it to start at the new scene.
WENDY: Ah... Of course.
____________
FLLOYD: How do you like that?
IRA : Well, I mean, you know, I'm out of my, my, I don't know if I'm out of my comfort zone, but I'm out of my zone. So, you know, I'm just winging it, I guess.
FLLOYD : Well, was your idea, so.
IRA: : Well, the thing about it is that it's quirky. I'm quirky.
FLLOYD : Yeah.
IRA: My... If we can call it singing, we'll call it singing to be kind to me, But it's quirky. So I think that it works because it's quirky. It's fun, you know?
FLLOYD: Absolutely. Yeah.
IRA : And it's... it's not, I'm not, it' s my voice. I'm not predictable. And I think that's the benefit.
FLLOYD: Absolutely.
IRA: That's. Those are, those are the attributes I'm speaking about. I'm not talking about the, the weaknesses.
FLLOYD : Yeah. And no, we don't go there.
IRA: And the attitudes are that it's, it's totally quirky and also that it's like a guy who is singing in the kitchen, and it's not like a singer pretending he's singing in the kitchen.
FLLOYD: Exactly.
IRA: It's Ira. It's a guy... trying to sing... in the kitchen. It's not a singer pretending he's just a guy, singing in the kitchen.
END
Actor
Ira Seidenstein has worked in over 140 live productions. After working in Cirque du Soleil's Corteo he created such projects as: The Madness of King Lear (Avignon, Edinburgh); The Book of Clown (Adelaide 2017), Commedia Toto (Italy); Cubist Clown Cavalcade (Paris): A Flower of the Lips (Sydney); and directed 18 actors in the uncut Antony & Cleopatra (Sydney). He has worked in 20 Shakespeare productions including 10 of the plays such as directing Henry the Fifth with 12 women; and, 10 adaptations including his comedy A Girl's Guide to Hamlet. In 2012/13 Ira was in Slava's Snowshow in Europe and Australia. As a veteran performer he trained 6 years in Suzuki Actor Training Method and worked in ten Suzuki style productions. He has portrayed over 75 clown characters including: Corteo's White Clown, and, Dead Clown; and playing "Harlequin" over an 8 years span. He trained as an Iyengar yoga teacher, was a tumbling and comic acrobat, mime, slapstick comedian, classical actor, director, playwright, and choreographed over 200 comic sketches and slapstick acts. His Masters Degree is in Visual and Performing Arts and his Doctorate is in Education. Recently he performed for the first time in a full scale ballet as a centraI character actor. Ira Seidenstein's workshops are practical and creative use of body-mind-spirit. The practical base is physical using "The Four Articulations for Performance" (see Method). He is the Founder of ISAAC - International School for Acting And Creativity and personally mentors clowns, teachers, choreogra…
Voice Actor and Writer
Wendy is a freelance voiceover artist, performer and writer from Edinburgh.
She has recorded voiceovers, audiobooks, audio dramas and video games that can be heard worldwide.
Wendy writes comedy dramas for stage and audio. She has also penned a self-published book of 'Scottish Sleep Stories'.
Begin at the very beginning, with Episode 1 "Kind Like Sharon". Or pick it up at Season 6, which is the beginning of Helen's life as a Super Hero!
