Breakfast with the Gods

EPISODE 8 - BREAKFAST WITH THE GODS

FLLOYD:                               Thunder's Mouth Theatre presents - "Am I Old Yet?" Episode 8 of Season 10. Returning to normal transmission!  This episode picks up where we left Hera and Helen, arriving at the castle on Mt Olympus after a quick trip to the Amazon forest.  Zeus has taken to hanging out in the kitchen. Here's hoping he can dodge Hera's wrath at the most annoying trick he has been playing on her while she was away.  Enjoy.

WINGS.

HERA.:                                   Welcome to my home. Let's see if he's in.         

HEAVY DOOR OPENING

HERA:                                    Zeussie-pie! 

ZEUS:                                    [RECORDING] I heard that.

HERA:                                    My darling!! Are you home? ...  Come on through Helen. He's probably in the library, pretending to be an intellectual.

HELEN:                                  What an enormous staircase!

HERA:                                    Oh, don't worry. There is a lift too.   I'm home my darling!  Come and see who is with me!

ZEUS:                                    [OFF]. Who is it?  What do you want!  I'm busy.

HERA:                                    Don't be silly, my darling.  It is I, your beloved. Where on earth are you?

ZEUS:                                    Hera?  Hera???  Is it really you? 

HERA:                                    Of course it is really me.  Did you think it would be a pretend me?  An artificial me?  Come on Helen, he sounds as if he's in the kitchen.  Let's hope there is some food in there that is still edible.

ZEUS:                                    Hera?  My darling girl, come on through, I'm in the kitchen.  Are you hungry?

HELEN:                                  I know I am.

ZEUS:                                    Who is that with you?  Ah!! Helen!!! How good to see you.  Come on in, take a seat.  Hera my love, mmmwah! Mmmwah! (KISS ON EITHER CHEEK). I am so pleased you are here, Hera.  Hah!  Here - Hera!  Hera is here. [SINGS LIKE A SILLY SONG]. She is here, she is really here, she is Hera and Hera is Here!!

HERA:                                    [A BIT UNCERTAIN ABOUT THIS] Yes my darling, Hera is here.  What is going on? What are you up to?

ZEUS:                                    Nothing. Well, something, but nothing bad. Everything is good. Especially good, now that you are here. Hera! She is here!

HERA:                                    Are you feeling alright? Do you have a fever?  Zeus! 

ZEUS:                                    [THE RECORDING] I heard that.  [REAL ZEUS] Oh, sorry. Just a minute, I'll just turn that off. Sorry about that Helen.  I hope you enjoyed my little joke, eh?  My little jokey joke!! Good one, eh?

HELEN:                                  Mmmmmm. 

ZEUS:                                    There you are, I've turned it off.  I don't need it any more, now that Hera is Here!!!  This is perfect timing.

HERA:                                    What?  You made that - that - that - you put me through all of that -

HELEN:                                  Isn't that lovely! He's so happy to see you, Hera!  Why is it perfect timing, Zeus?

ZEUS:                                    I HEARD THAT!  Thank you for asking, Helen. Don't you want to know, Hera?

HERA:                                    [SHE'S FURIOUS] Oh yes.  I am so anxious to to know. I am - I cannot wait to find out. Please explain, my 'darling'.

ZEUS:                                    Of course.  I will explain - everything!  I'm so happy that you came back. So very very happy...

END

ZEUS:                                    It's because dinner is ready.  It is ready to be served. I made dinner, all by myself, and I made it for you. Please Hera, please come and sit.

HELEN:                                  But how did you know we would be here, in time for dinner?

ZEUS:                                    Oh, I didn't. I have been cooking this meal every day, to be ready when she came home. I wanted to welcome her back with something special.

HERA:                                    So you made that stupid recording to annoy me so much that I would come home to eat your stupid food??  Are you really so stupid???

ZEUS:                                    [QUITE HURT]. Oh no!  No my darling girl.  That was just a little joke. A joke between you and me. I thought you would enjoy it. Being reminded that I am thinking of you. You didn't like it?

HERA:                                    ARE YOU **** KIDDING ME? [SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY SAY THIS, BUT SHE WANTS TO.. ]. No, my darling. I did not like it.  Do.  Not.  Do.. It.  Again.

ZEUS:                                    I'm so sorry.  I thought you would be amused. Helen?  You were amused, yes? 

HELEN:                                  No.

ZEUS:                                    Oh.  Oh dear.  Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear

HELEN:                                  Well, at first, it was quite funny, but then after a while... you know... over and over again. And again.

ZEUS:                                    Ah.  I see what you mean.

HERA:                                    So.... What is this dinner you have prepared.  You never cooked anything in your whole life.

ZEUS:                                    Not true. I have been cooking all the time that you were away.

HERA:                                    Cooking what? Beans on toast?

HELEN:                                  Oh, that's a bit mean.

ZEUS::                                   Nut roast. And Mousakka.  In case you don't like Nut Roast.

HELEN:                                  Wow.

ZEUS:                                    Sit, my love.  Helen, sit here please. There is plenty for everybody. 

HERA:                                    I shall believe it when I see it.  And taste it. 

ZEUS:                                    Here is the nut roast. I ground the nuts myself.

HELEN:                                  Wow.  It's huge!

ZEUS:                                    And here is the Moussaka.

HELEN:                                  It looks lovely.

HERA:                                    Hmmmph.

HELEN:                                  And it smells wonderful.

ZEUS:                                    And here are the plates. 

HERA:                                    I do not believe it.

ZEUS:                                    You may help yourselves. I can't wait for you to try it!  Shall I open a bottle of Retsina?

SCENE 2 - EARLY MORNING ON MT OLYMPUS:

COCKEREL CROWING

MUSIC

ZEUS:                                    (SINGING.  CALLING FROM THE KITCHEN). Helen!               Helen! 

HELEN:                                  (NOT SINGING) Wha-?  What is it?  Is that you Zeus?

ZEUS:                                    (SINGING) Helen!

Are you awake?

My dear friend Helen! 

I do hope you are awake now...

It's Breakfast time.

The sun is shining,

My beloved is home.

My Hera is here,

and I have prepared a breakfast feast

for us all.

Are you ready?  

I do hope you are ready.

Come on down!

As soon as you are -

ready!!!

HELEN:                                  (NOT SINGING). Oh.  Alright. I'll be there... soon. Five minutes?  Is that alright?

ZEUS:                                    (SINGING) Oh yes!

That is perfect.

Five minutes is perfect. 

I shall put the eggs on now,

and in five minutes,

they will be  -- perfect!!!

HELEN:                                  O...k.... Goodness. He is in a good mood.

SCENE 3

IN THE KITCHEN- NEW MUSIC (Dance of the Goddess Diana)

HERA:                                    (SINGING) Good morning Helen

I hope you are hungry

Just a little bit? 

We have prepared

a breakfast feast

Just for you. 

  Greek style.

I hope you enjoy it

HELEN:                                  Ri--ght... Ok.  Well, I'm ready.  (SHE STARTS TO SING). I'm so ready. 

For the breakfast feast...

ZEUS:                                    Good morning Helen.

The eggs are on.

The koulourakia are warm.

HELEN:                                  Koulou-what?

HERA:                                    They are Greek pastries

De-licious.

We prepared them last night

Together.

HELEN:                                  I can't wait to try them.

ZEUS:                                    Please help yourself

To some fruit

HERA:                                    And there is yoghurt

Zeus made it himself.

Isn't he clever?

ZEUS:                                    Thank you my darling.

HERA:                                    I never knew

He was so clever

HELEN:                                  No.

Who would have thought it?

ZEUS:                                    To be quite honest

I did not know it

Myself.

All those years

I was so spoilt

And my desires

Were satisfied

Without my asking

All of my life

I have received

whatever I wanted

And yet I never had

The greatest pleasure

Of them all

HELEN:                                  And what was that?

ZEUS:                                    The greatest pleasure

One can have

My dear friend Helen

Is to give,

Not to receive

HERA:                                    I knew that.

ZEUS:                                    You did, my love.

And Helen,

dear friend Helen,

You gave me that

HELEN:                                  I did?

HERA:                                    Yes Helen.

You taught us that. 

We learnt from you.

Thank you so much. 

ZEUS:                                    Here are the eggs.

Enjoy.

END OF EPISODE

FLLOYD:                               Ah me.  Well, I hope that didn't come as too much of a shock. Zeus and Hera actually seeming to like each other for a change.  So much so that they couldn't resist bursting into song.  Stick around to hear Ira's views on that. It was partly his idea.  I just suggested Zeus make "Hera is Here!" Into a little ditty, and Ira turned it into a whole operatic recitative. So I wrote the next episode as a musical. I look forward to the waves of critiques that are about to engulf us all.

You heard Wendy Lap, as Hera, Ira Seidenstein as Zeus and me, Flloyd Kennedy, as Helen.  The music was "In the Labyrinth", "Bela Morena" and "Song of the Goddess Diana" composed and performed by John T La Barbera.

Please feel free to drop a tip into our jar over at buymeacoffee.com/amIoldyet, or to join our loyal Patreons at patreon.com/amIoldyet. Thanks for listening. Stay safe.

FLLOYD:                               Whacko-the-diddly-o!

WENDY:                                The music ended just at the right spot. 

FLLOYD:                               That's why. Because I timed it to start at the new scene.

WENDY:                                Ah... Of course.

____________

FLLOYD:                               How do you like that?

IRA :                                       Well, I mean, you know, I'm out of my, my, I don't know if I'm out of my comfort zone, but I'm out of my zone. So, you know, I'm just winging it, I guess.

FLLOYD :                              Well, was your idea, so.

IRA: :                                      Well, the thing about it is that it's quirky. I'm quirky.

FLLOYD :                              Yeah.

IRA:                                        My... If we can call it singing, we'll call it singing to be kind to me, But it's quirky. So I think that it works because it's quirky. It's fun, you know?

FLLOYD:                               Absolutely. Yeah.

IRA :                                       And it's... it's not, I'm not, it' s my voice. I'm not predictable. And I think that's the benefit.

FLLOYD:                               Absolutely.

IRA:                                        That's. Those are, those are the attributes I'm speaking about. I'm not talking about the, the weaknesses.

FLLOYD :                              Yeah. And no, we don't go there.

IRA:                                        And the attitudes are that it's, it's totally quirky and also that it's like a guy who is singing in the kitchen,  and it's not like a singer pretending he's singing in the kitchen.

FLLOYD:                               Exactly.

IRA:                                        It's Ira. It's a guy... trying to sing... in the kitchen.  It's not a singer pretending he's just a guy, singing in the kitchen.

END